It was a Friday evening, and we spooned on the gray couch in her front room, the DVD player ticking and the window open to Kentucky’s late summer. I had never read the 1987 novel, nor seen the movie, though Alex was known to quote both like scripture. I realized I found the total purpose for me during sex is to bottom.I saw Fried Green Tomatoes when I was twenty-nine and dating Alex, the first woman who was not a secret to my family and friends. I realized now I loved being totally submissive. If there was any confusion left, I realized now I loved men. The pleasure actually washed out the pain. The burning pain got overcome by a wave or a rush of ecstasy. What happened next was the greatest sexual moment of my life.
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It hurt as usual-burning actually, but we were having such a good time and he was being as gentle as I needed him to be, that we kept going. I was kind of standing and leaning over the bed. He said he'd go slow and had lube and he'd stop whenever I said. "Well, I'm a bottom in training! I want that sooo bad but so far I can't get it in." We rolled around in bed giving each other amazing oral and he asked if I was a top or a bottom. Now I'm kissing him and unbuckling his pants. Feeling weird about it at first because a day earlier we only said hi to each other if I bought coffee. I felt a little weird but followed him into his bedroom.
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" That's my room mate, he's asleep by now." A good looking Afro-American guy about 3 years or so older than me,We both gave each other the knowing look of "oh-you're here too?Who knew?" We talked a bit-"i didn't know you were." etc. I was a coffee addict so I saw him often. He was the barista at the bookstore coffee shop I lived near. But, hurt too much to actually have sex-UNTIL.Driving through lot one Saturday night the inevitable happened.I made eye contact with someone I knew! Luckily not someone my family or friends knew though. Being the first to go down, asking for cum on my face, etc. I continued to meet guys and found that I was the submissive all the time. I had switched to masturbating almost exclusively to men for a while now, even before the breakup.(Again, harder to do before the internet!) Despite trying-really trying, it hurt way to much and I went home feeling like "I'm not up to being gay". I was smart enough to realize this wasn't a phase. Was I ready/prepared to actually let a man fuck me? Was this the path I wanted to go on in life? After some fun foreplay it came to the big moment. It wasn't far and I was anxious to take the next step down this path.
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I was loving it.Įventually a man invited me back to his apartment. The first several meetings were all so sexy and hot to a young me-all me giving oral to older men in their cars. But wanting to get out of the depression of the breakup gave me the (strong) desire to finally be with a man. These were very paranoid, anxiety filled rides through the lot. I was way, way in the closet-only very recently having broken up with my girlfriend of 4 years. I never had the nerve to go in because I figured I was bound to see someone I knew with it being the only gay club in miles. I had been in the parking lot a few times, which was a cruising spot of course. Back then (early 90s), there was 1 gay club in a 20 miles radius-but at least it was only about 7 miles from home. Around 19 or 20, I had been finally getting the courage up to go to gay meeting spots.